A Fan-made How-To Recipe Guide for Three Acclaimed Internet Confectionaries
By Jim Vargas
About This Guide:
This guide's aim is to preform just as most any other internet recipes would, by equipping you with the directions needed to creake Filthy Frank's three cake masterpieces: "Vomit Cake," "Hair Cake," and "Human Cake."
The materials and ingredients will be listed under each appropriate section header, and textual directions will be supplemented with photo screenshots of the original baking processes to further aid you towards successfully baking these three cakes.
In addition, links to Filthy Frank's orginial baking videos will be included, and original chefs and collaborators will be listed for each recipe under the appropriate section header for your reference.
!!! Warning !!!
This guide will contain fairly graphic images of men vomiting in cake pans and elsewhere.
In addition, in order to successfully complete each recipe, you will need to do, to some degree, all of the graphic acts that are depicted in text and in image form below.
So, if you are unequipped to handle such imagery, I recommend that you click away to another recipe website:
this shall be your only warning.
This cake was the first in the Cake Trilogy YouTube series, posted by Filthy Frank on his YouTube channel on July 10th, 2015.
As of June 2017, the video has almost 9 million views.
In this video, Frank collaborates for the first time with fellow YouTubers Maxmoefoe and HowToBasic.
The video itself has gained internet notoriety, with many smaller channels posting 'reaction' videos in response to the video's disgusting content, and other larger outlets and personalities acknowledging Frank's filthyness as a contemporary in the star-dominated digital landscape of YouTube.
Although most of Filthy Frank's videos become instant viral sensations, "Vomit Cake" was one of his first mega-hits that gave his channel staying power in the anti-PC subculture of the internet, and gave his channel a significant growth in subscribers.
You will likely find the ingredients that are necessary to bake this cake are quite ordinary, yet what makes this cake so special is the way that the cake is prepared.
To bake this cake, instead of a mixer, you will need a protégé to mix the ingredients for you.
Your protégé will first ingest all of the ingredients, allowing their stomach to mix all of the ingredients.
This circumvents the need of an electric or manual mixer, and gives the cake a special flavoring unique to the chemistry of your protegé's stomach acid.
2 cups of self-raising flower (as it's father left it at a young age)
approx. 4 eggs (more may be required)
1 cup of sugar
water (as necessary)
1 tea-spoon of vanilla extract
a few swigs of cooking oil
milk (as necessary)
a pinch of salt
chocolate syrup
sprinkles/candies to top the cake
frosting
Directions:
Preheat the oven to 420 degrees Farenheit. Your oven will need to be totally blazed to be able to cook the ingredients properly.
Assemble your dry ingredients, and using a funnel (or whatever else satisfies the task), have your protégé swallow all of the dry ingredients.
Have your protégé drink water to wash down the powder as necessary.
Next, assemble your wet ingredients, including eggs, and again have your protégé swallow all of the ingredients.
At this point, you should have your cake pan ready, and poised near your protégé's mouth in case they vomit prematurely.
Once your protégé has consumed all of the ingredients, they should be mostly full, and ready to vomit.
If they are not already vomiting, have your protégé run around a little bit, or encourage your protégé to vomit by punching them in the stomach, or inserting your finger into their throat.
Once your protégé is ready to vomit, hold your cake pan below your protégé's mouth to catch the mixed cake ingredients.
If the batter needs further mixing, pat the batter with your hand until the batter is properly mixed.
Let your cake batter mix cook in the oven for about 90 minutes, or until crispy.
You should notice several tumors developing on your cake as it cooks.
Finally, decorate your cake with toppings to taste.
Set a romantic dinner, and enjoy!
"Hair Cake" is the second installment in the Cake Trilogy and has the most views, with almost 11 million views as of June 2017.
The video was posted to Filthy Frank's channel on November 13th, 2015, with returning collaboraters Maxmoefoe and HowToBasic.
However, this marks the first time of many that iDubbbz, another YouTuber, would collaborate with Frank.
This gave iDubbbz, a then smaller channel, huge exposure, and helped to propel his channel's growth tremendously.
As evident by how many views the video has, "Hair Cake" is regarded equally as disgusting as its predecessor throughout various internet subcultures, and thus a very succesful follow-up to the classic "Vomit Cake."
With this cake, once again, most of the ingredients are standard for cake-baking, but yes, once again, with one twist.
This cake recipe utilizes the coarse, rough texture of hair to add a special kick to an otherwise standard recipe.
While the previouse cake utilized a protégé's stomach to mix the batter, the Hair Cake does not require this.
Instead, one or more protégés or participents will need to sacrifice some of their hair for this recipe.
In addition, this recipe forgoes precise measurements for healthy approximation, which gives each cake a unique consistency and flavor.
a few splashes of various alcoholic beverages (optional)
a loogie (or two)
Hair: the hair for this recipe can be animal hair, human hair, head hair,
eyebrow hair, nipple hair, facial hair, tummy fuzz, or even pubic hair (the more the merrier!)
Directions:
Preheat the oven to at least 113 degrees Farenheit (this is the temperature at which cancer cells can die).
Asssemble your dry and wet ingredients (excluding the hair) and mash them into your cake pan with your hand until the batter's consistency is thick.
Now that your non-hair ingredients are mixed, it is time to add the hair.
Add the hair to the cake batter, again with your fist.
I recommend that you use the hair of your protégé(s), so that you can make some use out of them without needing to sacrifice your own lucious locks.
If your protégé is hesitant to give up their hair, encourage your protégé by wrestling them down and shaving them, preferably with more force than necessary.
Once the hair is added, continue to mix the batter with your hand as necessary.
Let your cake batter mix cook in the oven for about 60 minutes, or until the cake is crispy.
You should be able to clearly smell burning hair, and you may notice some tumors developing on the top of your cake.
Finally, decorate your cake with toppings to taste.
Set a romantic dinner, and enjoy!
"Human Cake" is the third and final cake in the Cake Trilogy, and proves to be a romantic end to the legendary series.
The "Hair Cake" video was posted on Filthy Frank's channel on August 3rd, 2016, and as of June 2017, has accumulated over 8 million views.
Collaborators from all diffferent sides of YouTube appear in this video, including many prominent figures in meme culture, as well as others such as PewDiePie (the most subscribed channel), known for gaming and comedy content, and Vsauce the most subscribed educational channel on the site.
The video, while still keeping in line with the 'filthy' theme, introduces new levels of depth in terms the story being told, and introduces a broader scope of community collaboration;
the cake (a wedding cake) is a clear reflection of the fact that so many other channels answeres Frank's call, and selflessly contributed to the making of the cake, as well as the comradery that the main chefs have had throughout the series, despite the toils that come with making such filthy masterpieces.
In this recipe, Frank and co. use several contributions from his friends on the internet, including bodily waste and other disgusting ingredients.
In addition, this cake is styled as a wedding cake, and as such this is a much more intensly involved recipe than the previous two.
To capture the spirit of this recipe, you will need to find similar contributions to add to your cake.
While they should be filthy, they need not be as disgusting as the contributions described here.
In any case, be prepared to do some rigorous searching for contributions that coincide with the spirit of this recipe.
Your instinct may tell you to err on the safe side by choosing only traditional ingredients;
if your culinary desires match such an instinctual inclination, then perhaps a different recipe is a better choice for you.
Contributions: this will vary from cake to cake.
For Frank's recipe:
chewed banana
pubic hair
urine
cigarettes
toenail clippings
butt hair
a fistful of butter
6 eggs
4 cups of milk
2 packs of cake mix
a few splashes of various alcoholic beverages (optional)
frosting/cake decorations
Directions:
The first step will likely be the most complex, as you should gather all of your contributions before you begin to bake anything.
Be sure to bring appropriate containers when gathering your contributions, and be mindful on whether or not the contribution will spoil.
If you cross paths with a would-be contributor, but they are hesitant on giving up their contribution, encourage them to cooperate by forcefully holding them down to excract their contribution, or by hitting them until they comply.
Once you have gathered all of your ingredients, preheat your oven to 143(I_l-o-v-e_y-o-u) degrees Farenheit
How you choose to mix your ingredients is up to you.
For this particular cake, Frank had one of his protégés mix up the milk in his stomach (adding the bile flavor) before adding it to the batter, but mixed all of the other ingredients in traditionally.
Once your batter is mixed, bake your cake pieces in the oven for about an hour; we don't want this cake to get too crispy.
Decorate your cake as appropriate, and enjoy!
A mentioned before, this is a wedding cake recipe, so here are a few pictures from the wedding that this recipe was originally made for:
